My Own Little World
by KYTIVAFAN
Summary: Tony has a moment of introspection and realizes that not only is his life missing something - it is missing someone.


Tony woke up at 0830 – he looked at the clock and groaned – it was Saturday. They had the whole weekend off as another team was on call. He knew he should be happy that he had two whole days for himself, weren't most people happy about the weekend? But instead he dreaded these off-duty weekends because it meant he had two whole days without seeing…. No, he wouldn't allow his thoughts to go there. He groaned again and rolled out bed, best to get this day started – keep his mind and body busy so his thoughts didn't stray into areas where they didn't belong.

He showered quickly and decided to do some light housekeeping and laundry. It didn't take long – he didn't have much laundry and he had only himself to pick up after. He fed his vacationing neighbor's cat and went grocery shopping – that chore didn't take long either – he had only himself to buy for and besides he got take-out more often than not as it was hard to cook for one. This was his life – his own little world – population: one.

He looked at the clock – again - and saw it was only 1600 - too early to go out for the evening, so he decided to watch a movie – something action packed. He settled in on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a couple of cans of diet coke. After the movie ended, he stepped into the shower contemplating his plan for the evening, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized he just wasn't up for clubbing tonight; he didn't want the loud music and the easy girls. He dried off and slipped on a pair of sweats – maybe he needed something a little more laid back tonight – so he walked into his den and opened his desk drawer taking out his "little black book" – maybe some wine, dinner and dancing with one of the ladies listed – as he scanned the book, his heart began beating wildly in his chest and his stomach began to churn – he didn't want this life –his life - anymore – there was only one woman that he wanted to spend his evenings with – so without a second thought, he dropped the little black book into the shredder – as he watched the book being chewed up he thought _am I strong enough now_?

Tony knew he was in love with her – this woman he wanted to be with – but self doubt and fear had always caused him to keep his distance – his fear of rejection was always stronger than his need for her, so he was content just see her everyday; except for these cursed off duty weekends. He was obliged to keep his feelings to himself – because he knew the minute he said the words out loud – they would take on a power of their own – there could be no predicting what would happen, so he loved her quietly, secretly. This was his life – his own little world – population: one.

But, he didn't want this life anymore and he couldn't live it anymore – and he decided that he _was_ strong enough now – he had to be – or he would be doomed to this half existence - this half life – until he was too old to do anything about it. He quickly dressed and walked out the door, not giving himself the opportunity to talk himself out of what he was about to do.

He was surprised to find himself at her door so quickly and even more surprised at the calmness that he found himself experiencing. Where was the fear? Where was the self doubt? He searched within himself and found only – peace.

He rang her bell and waited – still no fear – only calmness and peace.

She opened the door wearing yoga pants and an old faded t-shirt, her long curly hair was down and she was barefoot – she had never looked more beautiful.

"Tony - Is something wrong?" she wasn't used to him showing up at her door uninvited and unannounced.

"No, everything is fine. Can I come in for a minute?" he questioned

She smiled brightly and stepped back inviting him in. "Do you want something to drink?"

"No thanks" he answered looking at her – he still felt no fear – only peace- so he decided to just say the words – no beating around the bush, no preamble, no back story, no nothing - just the words.

"Ziva, I love you."

The words didn't seem to register with her as she blinked several times and her mouth opened just the slightest bit - so he spoke them again

"I love you Ziva"

He knew she understood when her dark eyes began to fill with tears and she stepped into his waiting arms. They held each other tight for a few brief moments, and then she looked up at him – her dark eyes shiny and she said the words he had feared for years that he would never hear:

"And I love you".

He leaned in to kiss her gently and thought – _this is my life, my own little world – population: two._


End file.
